Quitter

I hate quitting! It is such a feeling of failure to have to quit something prematurely.

I've been debating back and forth whether or not to keep on babysitting Christian and it has been so hard! There would be moments where I would think, "ok this is going to work out after all", and then all 4 kids would need me at once and I would feel like I was going to literally explode at any minute!

He was starting to actually take naps and I could tell that he was a lot happier since his ear infection finally cleared up. However, with Cooper being 2 and 1/2, Christian being 1 and 1/2, and Olivia 9 months, they are just still all so helpless. Changing multiple poopy diapers within a given hour was not the best either. Then Olivia started crawling and she is into everything and pulling halfway up onto things and then screaming because she is stuck. Then I had the thought, "how in the world am I going to potty train Cooper with TWO babies needing my attention?"

At meal times I had to decide to feed him first or Olivia and I usually ended up listening to the unchosen one screaming in the background, while the one I decided to feed, refused to eat.

Then they would nap and all would be well and I would think, "This isn't so bad, right?" Plus it was a blessing to our family to have the extra income.

I just feel like my brain is completely drained and I was starting to feel stretched too thin with everything that I need to do. It was making it hard to focus on teaching piano lessons too and I have been really excited about teaching piano and I really want to succeed.

So . . . I was worried all day about how to let his Mom know that none of the kids were getting the attention that they deserved and it would be best if they could find someone else to watch him. The worst part is that I have only been watching him for 3 and a half weeks now. I felt sick! It was so awkward to bring it up, but she was so sweet. She said, "I understand, it's hard for me and I only have one." Even though she was so kind to me, I still didn't feel very good about quitting on her like that. Of course I told her that I can continue to watch him for as long as they need before they find a replacement. I also told her that I could be a backup sitter in the future if she was ever in a bind. I just pray they can find someone that will be better for Christian and their needs.

Quitting does not feel good.